come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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