I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
