is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
