he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You pole danced in your parka.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
