Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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