My brain says no but my pants say off.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
