Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
is wine microwaveable?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
