he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
