so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
