A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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