I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
