i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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