dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
