My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I wear drunk well.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
