He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
