theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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