hell yes lets make some ravioli
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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