Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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