Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You dont lie about slip and slides
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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