My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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