I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
