he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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