I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
