if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
