I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
