Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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