Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize