Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
