38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
