aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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