i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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