No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
