you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
