It's Friday. Sex?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize