Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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