Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
