every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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