Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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