I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
