So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
