If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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