What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
