i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
