He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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