Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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