I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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