the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
