Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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