This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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