If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
