if you like me you must not know who I am
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
