I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
