Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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