so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize