It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
