No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
