she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize