About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
