Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
