I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
