Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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