i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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