But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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