Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Of course I have a pirate flag
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize