Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
