Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
