Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
