We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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