i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
