Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
