He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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