it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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