I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
