I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
