I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
