do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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