I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
