I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
