i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
