If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
