if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
