Whats the glycemic index on semen?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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