accomplished twins. life is a go
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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